29 Ways to Tell Someone Isn’t Really a Photographer

There is a sharp and clear difference between a photographer and a dude who clicks pics. There are a lot of photog posers out there with a Rebel T5 and an incredibly imaginative “company” name like (first and last name+photography). For those of you out there looking for a photographer and for those of you passing yourselves off as photographers, here’s a few things to look out for if you’re deciding whether you or someone you know is a real photographer.

They watermark photos of their black Lab.

They watermark anything they post on social media. (If you’re really proud of it, put it on your website. Don’t have a website? Yikes.)

Their portfolio for your portraits includes an omelette…or anything but portraits.

They don’t shoot in anything but Auto.

They can’t tell you what daylight exposure is.

Their Facebook profile photo is of them taking a photo of themselves in a mirror with their DSLR. (you took the time to pull that off your camera and upload it…in B&W?)

They don’t know what DSLR stands for.

Monochrome is that thing they got in High School that put them on their back for weeks.

Black and White makes every photo better…every photo.

“Off-camera flash? Let me Google that.”

They ever change their status on FB to “Just another 2,000 pics from today’s shoot to edit. FML.” (that’s WAY too many photos, bro.Take it off multi-shot. Multi-shot? Jesus.)

They think ISO is something like IBU.

White balance is a diversity issue.

Stevenson Family Reunion is at the top of their resume. They’re part of the Stevenson family.

Adding a filter is an instant improvement. (You know instagram owns, like, everything you post, right?)

Borders make photos look really cool…like this 35mm border I added to this photo of a sandwich I ate.

0-255 is how they rate movies, not exposure.

Their second camera is an iPhone.

The rule of thirds is how they split a pizza with their roommates.

One lens, one memory card, one battery. That’s all you need, right?

Depth of field is a matter of who comes off the bench for their favorite sports team.

Landscape mode is how they shoot landscapes (or any other mode on their camera).

“Wait, why would I get a fixed length lens? How do I zoom?”

Every custom function is set to ‘0’.

Their pricing invoice is scratched out on a Netflix return envelope.

Macro is only related to economics, not lenses.

“Aperture? Like in Portal? I love that game.”

5-in-1 reflector is a remix of an Arcade Fire single.

They have an opinion about the Canon vs. Nikon battle.

“More megapixels means better photos, right?”

“I can just crop that out later.”

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