Match.com Puts “Dating” Back in Online Dating with Stir Events

Match.com and eHarmony have always done battle amongst themselves and with the lot of digital matchmakers out there. Turning Facebook stalking and “Caribbean Vacation 2012” photo album trolling into a profitable business model, the plethora of dating sites are always looking for a marketing leg up on one another. However, Match.com in it’s haste to get one over on the other guy, jumped the shark and innovated itself into obsoleteness by introducing a new and exciting feature which represents the bane that drove people to their site in the first place: Meeting strangers.

“I’m having a hard time meeting people. I’m tired of the bar scene and forced social situations. I’ve turned to online dating because I’m too busy to sift through people that aren’t right for me. I’m looking for a better way to vet my potential mates from the comfort of my iPhone on lunch break and during Big Brother commercial breaks. I’ve joined Match.com to help in my search for the right person and to stop wasting time at a bar or in community college cooking classes.” First thing Match.com suggests? Attend a Stir event! Get out there and meet somebody!

What? Match.com has entered the Möbius “marketing” strip of logic. I joined Match.com to stop doing that. Didn’t you see everything I just listed? I don’t have the time or the energy to attend an art gallery exhibit, go cosmic bowling, or hang out at a bar on a Thursday night. I don’t want to mingle awkwardly, competing for female attention with a bunch of bros doing their best peacock impressions. I was tired or blind dates set up by my self-proclaimed matchmaker of a best friend, Karen, who never seems to be short on friends wearing cat dander sweaters smelling of maternal desperation and homemade potpourri. So, I paid the monthly fee. I meticulously crafted my profile to spin the reality of the slob that I am. I strategically answered the questionnaire to attract someone that’s too good for me. The software spit out my matches, and now you want me to get off the site and get back out there? WTF, Match.com?

What you’ve done would genius if it weren’t so stupid. Match.com, you’ve asked your members who were tired of the dating scene and pay you good money to match them online, to log off and jump back in the dating pool. You’ve turned the thing they loathe doing into a marketing ploy, and sold it back to them at a premium. What the hell do I need you for if all you do is send me on group blind dates? Thanks, but I have Karen for that and she doesn’t charge a monthly fee for the torment.

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