New From Mattel, ‘Fox Pundit Palin’, now with Kung-Fu Conservative Grip (on reality)

or: 2012 campaigning is really heating up already

Well if you haven’t heard then I figure I should let you know that the scales over at FOX used for measuring out balance and fairness are a little off kilter…ah who am I kidding they’re fucking broken. It was announced that Sarah Palin has found a home at FOX News as a contributor for the network. Sarah Palin will be able to comment and pontificate on the stories of the day from a her fastidious conservative view point on a regular basis now that she has her contract with the least fair and balanced network out there. FOX News made the obvious decision to bring her on board, and now that she is in the private sector with absolutely no power and no ability to affect change through public service she has become more dangerous than ever. Without the constraints of the checks and balances of government and the relative safety of being a commentator and pundit, she can continue her campaign for 2012 office with reckless abandon and speak from a platform directly to her constituency and continue the path that Nixon set forth so many years ago.

With this most recent move Palin now steps further in to the line of fire from the liberal media that she so vilely disdains. For a woman who wants the media to leave her alone and report fairly, I find it odd that she would decide to be a conservative pundit on the most conservative network on television that comes under scrutiny for its shoddy reporting and inaccurate facts and information. Palin is a child of the media, a woman who would be literally no one to anyone outside Alaska if it weren’t for the firestorm of coverage she gets. She is a lightning rod for editorial content from every news outlet in the world, and somehow she seems to be sickened by the very machine that created her and fueled sales of the book she is hocking these days.

Sarah Palin must have a twisted sense of her own moral compass since she is now joining the media. She is a commentator and pundit, though not liberal, of the same job description that she was skewering people for doing on the left. It appalls me that she can take this job with a straight face while telling everyone else just to report the facts and stopping sensationalizing when I would bet dollars to donuts that her first report will be a lambasting of someone of the blue team persuasion. You can bet that every word out of her mouth will be bias, unfair, and only mildly informed on a network that would just as soon bury a pro-liberal story as they would praise her for the insight she can provide. The hypocrisy of her move in to this new arena is not lost on me, and as I am sure Jon Stewart of the Daily Show will show, it’s not lost on many people.

I have written about this before, no not just my distaste for the likes of FOX News and Sarah Palin, but of the glaring similarities between her path so far and the one chosen by Tricky Dick Nixon. I mean, the similarities are eerie. A governorship, a failed run at the White House, a book, six-figure speaking fees, and now a move to the private sector limelight to stay on the tip of everyone’s tongue before bum-rushing the next general election. Think I am wrong? Hmm, well it seems, from her appearance on the O’Reilly Factor, that she is set to campaign endlessly with every camera that is pointed at her. If you watch the interview she speaks like a politician trying to bring it all back to the people, what they want, finding conservative simple solutions, and what the Democrats are doing wrong. The ‘FOX News Sarah Palin’ sounds no different from ‘campaign trail Sara Palin’ that we all laughed and scoffed at. Both are the worst Barbie doll spin-offs ever.

What will Sarah bring to the table on FOX from story to story? I am sure she will tow the Conservative line, being that she passes the ‘GOP Purity Test’ with flying colors, and will stop at nothing to treat every segment like a Conservative Party/Sarah Palin sales pitch. Without a doubt she will be voicing less her opinion on things and more about what others are doing incorrectly and why we deserve it after voting democrat. No matter the story she will bring everything back to examples of situations gone wrong; she will harp on poor health care reform, killing the private sector, unemployment, her book ‘Going Rogue’ on shelves now in hardcover for just 24.95, and that we could do better with common sense conservative values.

“You know Sean, it is like this, I think that the situation with Iran is just like our situation with unemployment in this great country we live in…”

“Well, as you know when I was campaigning in 2008 I talked about the real core values this country needs to get back to. The family values that make this country great are really the first step we need to take so that we can really feel safe in this country, of America, and until we do that then those fat cats in Washington are just gonna be spinning their wheels in the mud on issues, like Yemenis terrorists.”

“Well I don’t know what this administration can really do about so-called ‘Global Warming’, I know I don’t feel it up in Alaska (laugh), where we have strong moral values and are more concerned with employment, our families, and keeping an eye on Russia, so that this country can be as safe as we used to be. I agree with Giuliani that, you know, we never had any attacks under George W. Bush, and now I just really don’t know that we are as safe as we used to be.”

…No, these are not things she has said, but she will say them in one way or another. Mark my words, she will handle issues of national security with some folksy story about her family, or somehow compare it to unemployment, or health care, or some hot button issue she wants to campaign on. I know, that in the coming months I will have to shake my head and try to wonder how she compared the situation in Yemen with protecting the sanctity of marriage and it will inevitably cripple me mentally.

I once wrote about the possibility of Roger Ailes, of Fox News, running for office in 2012 as President, and that Sarah Palin would make a comfortable running mate, especially with her Nixon like approach to politics. I wrote that a meeting of those two minds would lead to a very dangerous position where the Presidential and Vice-Presidential candidates would be literal bedfellows with the largest and most popular news network in America. I wrote of the real danger to the Democratic ticket that would be and how formidable the aligning of Palin with FOX News would be. I did not stop to think that she may join the team and I cannot figure out why I didn’t think it would make sense for her, trying to stay very public, that she could get a forum on FOX programming in some fashion. I mean Mike F-ing Huckabee has a news show on FOX News Radio, and he is a politician who still has his eye on the white house.

So the plan has been hatched and she got her wish, she is now on FOX News, all the time, without having to make news, she now gets to comment on it. Not only that but she is paid to do so, and now she has every right to voice her opinion and continue to campaign for the white house 2012. My real issue here is whether this might hurt her a bit. I mean, she is aligning herself with a pretty inflammatory network that appeals to the far right, this might have a dire effect on those in the moderate sector that are pliable on their allegiance based on the climate of the country. It is not without merit to try and think whether she cares though. I doubt that Sarah, with her purity affirmed, even thinks about the moderates. She may preach bipartisanship but she sure as hell would not practice it. She would not give democrats an inch to negotiate or put in their two cents, so I don’t think she really gives much mind to anyone but the conservative base she draws on and putting to bed any distrusts FOX News viewers and listeners may have of her. I see now that her foremost concern is with the right-wing base and this channel has that in spades for her to preach to on a daily basis.

O’Reilly did make a few interesting statements though in his softball interview of her. It was funny to see her trash 60 Minutes and then O’Reilly to say he respected them, kind of putting her in check, and then Palin shutting up on it, trying to save face. His most interesting point was about why everyone on the left sees her as a threat being that we all think she is misguided, uninformed, and basically ignorant. I had to think a minute and I realized I am not necessarily afraid on Sarah Palin, no one is afraid of her. What it is for me is that I am afraid that she can find enough ignorant people to stand behind her, I am fearful of the world her constituency wants, and the fandom-like adoration they hold for her no matter how wrong she may be or how foolish she looks.

They are a mindless herd, her people, and given enough exposure and enough Palin Kool-Aid, a situation may occur in 2012 where Democrats are doing shit and she might be able to garner enough votes to win a Presidency. This country elected Bush, one and a half times, so my fear comes from our past mistakes and the fact that she is charming enough to pull off an upset. Look, Bush was a jackass and a terrible public speaker that was able to win during a peaceful time in America against a tried and true Vice President coming off one of the largest periods of growth in American history and great progress, democrats should have been a shoe-in, but it didn’t work out. If the situation develops that Obama has done fuck-all in his four years and we are still in terrible shape, a beautiful, folksy woman might be able to win an election when aligned with the powerhouse that is FOX News and all the right people she will be rubbing elbows with.

Do not put it past Palin to be campaigning every chance she gets on the network, but I think she might have a great advantage with this position as she will be able to up her political and international IQ while working on her non-regional diction and making up for people’s biggest complaint about her, that she was kinda dumb. Every day she will be able to work on her selling points, learning and covering the news, she will know at all times what is going on, and will actually be able to be on television more often, to more viewers, than the President will be able to. Palin will be unavoidable and her punditry will be news, so she will become news by being on the news, she can’t buy that kind of coverage, and she is getting paid for it. Make no mistake, if she is able to make herself in to a great conservative pundit on this network, then I have no doubt that she will be a force in 2012, and her ego and confidence will only be bolstered by good segments on the channel.

I have to admit I did not think she would be able to pull off a position on FOX News, but I can’t say that I am surprised. This is such a ‘Nixon’s Road to the White House’ move. I mean she has stolen every other move of his so far, why stop now. Palin is now very dangerous with a position right in the ears of those that support and love her most. She has endeared herself to a public and now she will have the opportunity on a regular basis to report fair and balanced news to those that want to hear it. No, she is not a ‘reporter’, I think she is officially a commentator, or analyst, or pundit, whatever, but she is now very visible, and as such, is officially kicking off her 2012 campaign as of Monday. From here on out everything will be for the white house and delivered as a campaign stop speech, for which she is getting paid so handsomely. Where might this fair and balanced analyst be making her first stop? Well with her first act as a Fox News pundit and correspondent at the news network she will be the keynote speaker at a TEA Party event for which she has great respect and support for the American people that are getting out and saying enough is enough. Fair and balanced like a fat kid on a see-saw.


2 thoughts on “New From Mattel, ‘Fox Pundit Palin’, now with Kung-Fu Conservative Grip (on reality)

  1. Scary! With this position do you think she can dupe enough people’s votes to make a legitimate claim at the white house?

    So unbelievably annoying that this is the sort of move that wins elections in this information age world we live in. The access to internet, radio, TV, and print news should enhance the masses access to relevant information and allow them to more easily make good decisions, right? NO. The access to internet, radio, TV, and print have only enhanced the masses capacity to have bullshit crammed down their neck and decreased their ability to sift out any remaining shreds of relevant information.

    The only real counter-move to this media shitstorm is people like you who have made it their personal mission to expose the bullshit, and illuminate the relevant. Thanks Wes, Keep it Up.

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